It’s been a while since I’ve written a personal post here. Actually, this blog has really been neglected and there is a reason for that. Since arriving in Stockholm I’ve had this niggling feeling that something had to change in my life. I felt a little lost and like I didn’t have a purpose. Did I really want this blog to be a business? I had such big plans with it before and it was really starting to take off and I was beginning to make a small income from it along with external writing projects. Then I had the health problem before leaving NZ and everything just kind tumbled and my focus shifted. But after I had settled into my new city I kept beating myself up. Why couldn’t I get back to posting three times a week and start building it up again? Why couldn’t I be more aggressive on social media? I told myself that I wanted to be the Garance Dore of the interior and lifestyle genre…. I told myself a lot of things, but in retrospect I felt so unaligned with it all. I felt like I wasn’t living my truth. I had lost my passion.
Anyway, something happened late last year in the industry that shook my core a little, it made me doubt myself and my purpose even more and I kind of went into my shell for a while. I had distanced myself from Guillaume, I didn’t want to talk about it, mostly because I had no idea why I felt so sad. I was actually starting to feel a little worried about myself and wondered whether I had fallen into a depression. Then finally one night I admitted how disillusioned I was with this blog world and that I was so down and at lost with everything. He was great, he always is in those moments of despair. We talked all night and it got to the so what do you really want to do and I told him that I want to write that damn book. I need to write that book. He then dug the knife in a little deeper and reminded me that I’m always saying that, so why haven’t I started on it yet. And then it came to me. I told him it was because I didn’t know how to write the book! The relief that lifted off my shoulders at that moment. It was instant.
I’ve had a particular story in my mind for years. It’s a true story, in fact it’s about a part of my life, however I wanted to turn it around into a novel based on a true story. I’ve really struggled with this and I’ve attempted to start it a number of times with different angles and no matter what I did, it just didn’t feel right, nor did it have the feeling that I wanted to portray. So I kept on putting it off.
It was that moment of truth that made everything click into place. Suddenly people were presented to me who have experience in publishing. In one single day I receive exactly the same advice from two different people of authority on the subject. One thing after the other was presented to me and then I realised that it’s not a novel that I need to write for this story, it’s a memoir. That was it. Anyway, you get what I mean, when you feel that you’re on the right path, it’s like the universe conspires to help you. These small signs are always the way for me to recognise that I’m on track. Doe this ever happen to you?
I’ve signed up to a six-month course to guide the process of writing a memoir. It began last month, it’s quite intense and by the end of it, I should have a solid first draft. I couldn’t think of a better way to begin the year for me as far as goals go and I’m really excited. Already I’ve written twelve thousand words and interestingly they came to me so easily.
Life is so interesting how it guides you to what you should be doing. If we listen, if we ask the hard questions and admit that sometimes we are defeated. It’s at that point that doors open.
So what does that mean for this blog? Well nothing really. I will still come here, but this is not a place that I intend to make into a business. This is a place that I will come to and connect with you. Another place for me to write. I guess it will be like blogs were in the beginning, a place to share thoughts and inspiration. Perhaps I will share a lot more things that are going on for me personally, I’ll certainly share things that I find beautiful for the home, because I still love that and well, hello, I’m in Stockholm!!! I will still write for magazines and websites. It’s just now, I feel unstuck and that I’m living my truth and everything can work together side-by-side and in harmony.
As time goes on, and I get more into it, I will share more about the book. Actually, I’m really excited to share more with you. Who knows, I could be the next Cheryl Strayed or Elizabeth Gilbert. Now that would be fun!